Heartbreak...

Today, Richard and I had to make the painful decision to cancel our IVF cycle. My body is not responding as it should to the medication. I have not developed enough follicles and my estrogen level is not high enough to justify the risks of the procedure. We were somewhat prepared for this today after the results of Tuesdays bloodwork. It was confirmed by today's results. Being prepared does not make it less painful though...it is tough to let go when you are already so invested in a process.

What we did not expect today was the news that the doctor does not believe that another IVF cycle would produce better results. I thought we might be able to try a new protocol or higher dose of drugs. The doctor said he started us with the highest dose recommended and that a change in protocol would probably not improve our results. Because of my age, I have just have too few eggs left and my body is working harder and harder to mature them. In addition to that, my ovaries are very small which is also contributing to the problem.

So, here is where we stand today...
we are converting our IVF cycle to an IUI (artificial insemination) cycle. I will continue with the drugs as we have been doing, actually adding one tonight as well. They are going to "wash" and "pool" some of Richard's best swimmers (kinda like an olympic trial for sperm...they spin the samples down in a centrifuge, then allow the sperm to swim to the top of the medium...only the strongest can do it) and then inseminate with that team sometime next week (maybe as early as Monday). We are hoping that my 4, maybe 6 follcles have prodced great eggs and at least one sperm finds one egg.

We are going to seek a second opinion on the second IVF cycle. Perhaps a doctor somewhere has a protocol he/she has used that might work for us.

I am resolved to trust God in this situation...I know he has a plan. Still, I am human and I am woman and I am hurting...I appreciate all your understanding a patience in this situation. I stood in the line at the scrapbook store today right next to a woman who was pregnant buying baby boy scrapbook paper. The clerk was talking to her about when her due date was and how it was going...I almost lost it. I left the store pretty quick after that...me leave a scrapbook store fast??? Not like me...but it was too much to take today. I went and bought a DQ blizzard after that...