It's all about plumbing...

Well, I am finally returning to post in our blog. I cannot believe I slacked for so long. Things have been moving at such a fast pace the last couple of weeks. I thought I had freed up my summer quite a bit, but I have found myself busy, busy, busy!

It is a mess around here. We had a major leak again in the house. I got up early one morning to let Hannah out and went to use the bathroom downstairs to find the carpet all wet. We have already had plumbers out twice to try to fix this. So, the next day Richard just tore into the walls himself to find the problem. The caulk in the tub was not sufficient and allowing water into the walls and then down into the carpet. So now we have two bathrooms torn up and have decided we are going to have to get the remodel on these done now. As you can see in the picture, we were living with old 70's wallpaper and decor anyway so a remodel is desperately needed. This picture is from December, the first time Richard had to tear up the bathroom for plumbing issues.

It is somewhat ironic that the same week we have dealt with plumbing issues at home, I also had my "plumbing" checked out at the hospital. I went in Thursday morning for what is called a Hysterosalpingogram. Ok, say that one ten times fast! It is a basic test they do to make sure the fallopian tubes are not blocked. They inject a contrast dye through a catheter into the uterus while being x-rayed. You can then see the uterus and tubes on the x-ray as it is happening. My plumbing looks good according to the doc. The dye went through fine. Statistics show an increase in pregnancy rates after this type of procedure because a lot of the time the dye helps to clear out any blockages or debris that may be cluttering the tubes. Knowing that my pipes have been cleaned out now helps us prepare for the next go around of tying to get pregnant. Maybe this will do the trick!

We did a follow up with Dr. Jabara about the failed insemination. He still does not recommend trying another IVF because he does not think I will be able to produce enough follicles. He wants us to try on our own again for a month then we could try another insemination. We have an appointment with another fertility specialist as well on Thursday to get a second opinion. I have heard she is really good. I think it will be nice to get a fresh perspective on things as well. I have a feeling that we will be doing an insemination again just from the financial standpoint...all of this is soooooooo expensive and money is getting really tight especially now that we have been forced into our bathroom remodel sooner than expected.

Meanwhile, we continue to pray and be patient for the Lord's timing. Although life is a bit tough for us right now, we know that God is faithful and watching out for us!

Shock, anger, sadness...

Picking one or two emotions to describe what we have been feeling this weekend is next to impossible. Friday night we went to bed laughing and dreaming of our future children. (If you have not heard our silly teasing, we have named them Orel Carl and Christmas Carol which is a story I will have to tell another day). We laughed and teased with each other and were talking about my possible "pregnancy" symptoms after Richard noticed my boobs had gotten bigger. I remember going to bed hopeful and believing I really was pregnant.

Saturday morning I woke up to discover I was starting my period. On many of the message boards we refer to it as AF (which I think stands for "Aunt Flo")...hope I am not embarrassing any of the men reading our blog here...sorry! Anyway, even though I have heard of implantation bleeding (small amount of bleeding that can occur when the embryo attaches to the uterus), I knew that this was my regular AF...it has been further confirmed through the weekend.

I am devasted...I could not even get the words out to tell Richard. He knew something was wrong, I just crawled back into bed and into his arms and cried. Wailing is probably a better term, it just seem to come out of nowhere. I really believed that this insemination was going to bring us our children but now, I was getting a very clear indication that this was not the case. Despite all the medicines, treatment, and prayers, we find out we are not pregnant. We did not even get to take the pregnancy test.

I have walked through this weekend in a state of disbelief, anger, frustration, and feeling lost. Richard and I have both cried and held each other, but we have also found some moments of normalcy and even a bit of laughter here and there. I feel so blessed to have Richard by my side through all of this. He has been wonderful, absolutely wonderful.

We have also prayed and talked to God a lot this weekend. I have actually yelled at Him a bit, I was reminded in a book that I could yell and be angry at Him, his shoulders are big enough to handle it. Having the permission to feel all of these things and know that God will still hold me tight has made it easier to think about starting to heal from this disappointment. I suppose this is what has given me the energy and readiness to think about going through all of this again.

So what next? We are certainly not giving up...I armed myself with three new books this weekend, talked to God a lot, cried a lot, and got up this morning ready to start a new cycle. It's crazy isn't it???? I went in to get bloodwork done to check my FSH level. I am praying it has not gone up any since the last measure. Remember, higher numbers is bad...means the ovarian reserve is low. We have made an appointment with a new doctor to get a second opinion. Her name is Dr. Jennifer Phy and I have been told she is wonderful. We have an appointment with her next week. So I spent the morning running around and getting paperwork filled out for getting my records sent over before our appointment.

We again ask for your prayers. Richard and I both are hurting from this disappointment. Please pray for God's hand in our healing and the restoration of our hope. It is getting harder and harder to have faith that we will have children one day. In addition, please pray for the new start with the new doctor and the preparation of my body for another cycle. As usual, we will update with more details as we know them.

Thank you again for all your prayers and support...we feel them and appreciate them a great deal.